the first year of marriage

My husband and I have been married for about 8 months now.  Actually, 8 months to the day.  I love him so much, he is the first person that I've ever felt like "got" me... if that makes sense.  Aside from my BFFs C and J.  We are very good at talking through things, and when we fight, most of the time, it is civil, but occasionally it gets to where one of us cries.  We had a pretty good one today that started as most couples fights do... with money.  I was already feeling kind of "blah" and that just kinda sent me into full on depression mode.  When I'm depressed, I don't want to talk to anyone.  Any. One.

So hubz asked me a pretty rediculous question, trying to break the tension I suppose.  I don't even remember what was said, but to me, it sounded like he was telling me that I could choose whether or not I was sad or depressed.  People that are not truly depressed or have not ever been truly depressed do not understand that there is no magic button.  There isn't a simple cure.  I can't just "snap out of it"  I can't just choose to be happy.  It doesn't work that way.  Anyway, it ended up with me crying and locking myself in the bedroom and listening to Neon Ballroom by silverchair.  Not Ana's Song though, haven't been able to listen to that song in years... but that's another post.  Somewhere between Do You Feel The Same and Satin Sheets I took a little nap, and I woke up for Paint Pastel Princess.  This song is my love song for depression.  If there can be such a thing. But I digress.

I finally came out of the bedroom and hubz was playing a video game (huge surprise, I know.) and he tried to talk to me.  I still couldn't talk to him because I just don't think he gets it.

About an hour goes by, and he finally apologizes for shouting and not being sensitive to my emotions.  I thanked him, we hugged and kissed, and went about our business.

Marriage is weird.