Creativity

So, it has come to my attention that I have a lot of projects going on at one time.  I know this.  This is how I work.  I tend to work on one thing and find something else to do in the midst of the other.  For example:  I was working on the dollhouse and needed a paintbrush.  So, I go to my handy dandy sketch box.  For those that are not familiar, here is a picture via artsuppliesonline.com

 Mine is fairly similar, except mine is ages old, as it was my dads, and it is missing it's palette.  I'm sure this is from one of my fathers misadventures in oil painting which never made it into my eye sight.  Have I ever mentioned my father owned a Hobby Shop?  Anyway - So, I go to this box that I have seen ever since I was little to retrieve a paintbrush for the dollhouse.  Every time I look at this box, I have thought to myself "Self, why isn't the wood finished on this?  It would look much better stained."  I know traditionally they do go unstained for whatever reason.  I don't know, I've never cared to look it up.  However - I happened to have a can of stain that Taylor's father bought me for use on the dollhouse, which for the most part went untouched.  So, there was the start of another project.  I finally had the supplies needed to stain this box that had bothered me since I was little!  Huzzah!!  Also, in the dollhouse project (keep in mind, this project went on for well over a month) I discovered a hidden love of all things miniature, and well - dollhouses.  Go figure.  Well, my father discovered that Michaels had these dollhouse puzzle deals:

So, he of course purchased it and the furniture to go with it.  Which, incidentally, do not all fit in the house; and while I was staining the aforementioned box, I decided to stain the furniture as well.  Yet another project.  Granted, the box project and the furniture project are finished, they are just on the porch waiting on the stain and/or acrylic smell to go away so it will not invade my house with two very powerful aromas that will surely give me one sick headache.  So, at one time, I had the big dollhouse, the little dollhouse (the fairy house it will be!), the box, and the furniture.  Okay, I admit, it's a lot.  But creative minds must be free to flow!!

In comes husband with a request that absolutely drove me to tears for some unknown reason (at the time).  He simply asked me to keep my projects to one at a time.  This seemed absolutely absurd to me!  Why should I do that?  I was just letting things flow.  My brain works better when it has about 3 things to work on at a time.  This is one of the many joys of being and ADHD hot mess. 

Then, I got to thinking about it.  Why did this simple, yet so complex, request reduce me to a puddle of raw emotion that could not be controlled?  It wasn't a bad request.  I don't think he asked it in a harsh way (he sometimes has a way of coming off too brash for my Aquarian self).  It would help the family not have mine and Chloe's creative undertakings all over the place.  So, why did it just crush me that he asked me this?

During the school year, I am so busy.  My job is e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-n-g.  Both mentally and physically.  I love my job, but goodness, it takes it out of you!  Then I go to big kid school, just to have more demands placed on me.  In both places, I have things that are due at a certain time, people I have to answer to, things that have to be done a certain way according to someone else's description of what would be "best" for these kids that they don't even know; or in the case of my master's program, kids that have just been made up, and I basically have to figure out what each professor believes and wants in a paper and write that to get a passing grade.

But with my dollhouses, my paintings, my jewelry, my sewing; it is my decision.  I get the final say.  I don't get graded.  I don't get reprimanded for not doing an assessment right.  I don't have to go to meetings.  I don't have to listen to people drone on about things that for the most part are absolutely meaningless when you go into a REAL classroom versus one contrived in someones head as "ideal."  It's mine.  It's mine and no one else can tell me what to do, how to do it, how to do it better, or when to do it.  I just stick my ipod earphones in and go.  I do it until I feel that it's just right.

Having someone try to limit that one thing in me crushed me.  So now that I've had this miraculous journey on blogger, I guess I need to go talk to my husband.