Families

Living in a blended family poses it's own set of unique challenges.  I hate that term - blended family - it makes me think of an evil blender and families being thrown into it and poured out into a nice frosty glass. 

So, step families it is.  I don't like that term either - architecturally speaking - but that's okay, we will go with it.  It's much better than the violent thoughts before.

First off, having 3 people in the same household with ADHD is amazing.  I can, quite literally, clean my house in the morning; and by the afternoon it look like some kind of large animal came in looking for food.  Violently.  This is no one's fault, mind you, it is just the nature of the beast and quite frankly, I have come up with no better way of dealing with it other than bitching about it.

And please, don't let the picture fool you, it isn't just my daughter.  This can strike anytime, anywhere in the house.  When we are or are not home.  Magically the house is messed up and it is NO ONES fault.  NO ONE left the laundry out for the cat to urinate on, NO ONE left the dishes in the living room in such an inconspicuous place so that they can grow mold, NO ONE left computer parts sitting on the floor so that when one of us gets a HUGE gash on their foot there is no one to curse at.  It's simply another family that lives here while we are out.  Or perhaps, the cats.

Second, when you have someone who has zero parenting experience but A LOT of therapy, it is a bad combination.  Granted - husband has gotten much better.  But he used to feel like he had all the answers on why daughter is the way she is and what we needed to do to fix it.  Forget listening to the person who has more experience with this child than ANYONE IN THE FREE WORLD, we will listen to what your countless therapists have said over the course of the years, okay?

Now - husband has a problem with too much noise going on at one time.  I believe it to be a sensory issue, but with sensory issues we deal with them, learn coping mechanisms, and move on.  Husband has said it is like his brain "shuts down" when there is too much going on at one time.  So, needless to say when daughter and myself come home, there is noise - a lot of noise.  A lot of noise compared to when he was at home by himself with just the above mentioned cats especially.  This causes husband to go absolutely insane.  I'm thinking of naming this temperament of his because it is totally out of character for his normally easy-going personality.  His eyes go black and all rational thought seeps from his ears.  All he can think of is NOISE STOP!  HUSBAND ANGRY!  MUST QUIET YES!

This is the point when I go into "defend my young" mode.  I turn into 'you better not mess with daughter or I will kill you.' and that is where our troubles come into play.  At this point in a conversation, neither of us are thinking rationally.  All of my training in how to deal with people in crisis, how to talk to people, negotiation, is OUT THE WINDOW.  Husband just needs to STOP.  and NOW.  So both of us storm away, I with daughter, and him with angry and eventually we come back together and talk about it.

Daughter knows how to push husbands buttons, and she knows it and he knows it, but he refuses not to engage her in it because it's like he's scared he's going to lose.  Lose what you ask, I have no idea.  I've told him to not engage with her in power struggles, it's just not worth it, and you won't win.  That child will argue with a brick wall and tell the wall it is siding until she dies.  It's better just to walk away and save some sanity.

At this point, daughter and husband await my company for something.  I shall return to finish this later!